Adding detail task.

WALT add supporting detail/ideas to our writing

WALT write a range of correct sentence types 

During the holiday, I went to the beach with my friends. We saw there was a volleyball net. We asked a family if we could borrow their volleyball. We played volleyball for about an hour then had some lunch. Before we went home, we gave the volleyball back to the family. I had a lot of fun at the beach with my friends.

Read this simple recount.

What do you notice about the recount?

It only uses one sense, and it has used lots of we’s

What could we add to this recount to make it more detailed?

More senses and interesting words.

Edit this recount above to make it more detailed:

During the holiday, I went to a sunny beach with my friends. We saw in the distance that there was a volleyball net. We loved to play volleyball. We saw a family and asked if we could borrow their volleyball. They were very generous and said yes.

We played volleyball for a whole hour, it was that fun. I hit the volleyball, but then slipped. While Hearing my friends laughing at me I realised that there was sand in my mouth. It was so crunchy and dry. I ran as fast as I could to the water without even thinking. I jumped in and felt stupid for not thinking that it would be this cold. It smelt very salty. The waves were swishing me from side to side. They were very loud, like they were smashing against a rock.

I quickly got out of the cold water shivering, with sand still stuck between my teeth. I got a towel and wrapped myself up in it.

After warming up, I then had a refreshing cup of lemonade. Before we packed up and went home, we gave the volleyball back to the generous and kind family. They were very nice.

I had a blast at the beach and I hope that I can do this again. I hope my friends had a blast too. I felt so happy hopping in the car imagining having a nice hot shower.

This task is about fixing up a recount that our teacher gave us. We had to find out what was wrong with it and what we needed to add to make it more interesting. I added more of our senses and interesting words. I hope you enjoy.