Reasons why you should wipe your but with vanilla ice cream - Persuasive Writing

In literacy we picked out 1 thing, 1 person and 1 place. We had to make a statement and write a persuasive essay on the topic. All of the "scientifically"/"stats" are all fake, we has to make this piece as funny and as made up as possible. P.S you shouldn't wipe you bum with vanilla ice cream...

                                                  

Topic:

While Simon is going to the toilet he should be able to wipe his bum with vanilla ice-cream. 

3 ideas:

1. Why vanilla ice-cream is good for wiping buts

2. Why vanilla ice-cream is better than toilet paper

3. Why it is not gross to bring Vanilla ice cream into the toilet

 Wiping bums with vanilla ice cream has so many benefits. It might not be the best idea, but it is a good one. It is great for wiping bums, it is way better than toilet paper and it’s not that gross to bring vanilla ice cream in the toilets.

Vanilla ice-cream should be the 1st thing you use to clean your bottom.  Vanilla ice-cream is cold and when your poop comes out hot, it burns your bum hole a little bit. If you wipe it with ice-cream it soothes and moisturises it. If you get bored you can even take a bite, but it might turn into a bit of chocolate chip. P.S, vanilla ice-cream is very good for you, people who eat vanilla ice cream get skinnier and fitter.

Toilet paper is bad for the environment. Vanilla ice-cream is much more ECO friendly.When flushing down the toilet it basically dissolves. Toilet paper does too, but it builds up over time. It is scientifically proven that when you flush vanilla ice-cream down your toilet it cleans and prevents the pipes from blocking up.

It is gross to bring food into the toilet. Although vanilla ice cream is food, it is a totally different story. You may not think much of it, but the smell of vanilla ice cream takes the odor away from the stench of your nasty poo. Stats show that people prefer vanilla ice cream over deodorizers.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to wipe your bum with vanilla ice cream, after hearing so many benefits. It cools your bottom down,it is more healthy for the environment and it cleans the smell without having to use matches. Maybe you could even try with strawberry ice cream...